I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
