I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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