I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
