do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
