There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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