escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
