addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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