I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
