you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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