he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
