thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
