All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
