eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
