She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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