Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
