Who wears a wallet chain?!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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