last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
