Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
