Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My pussy is not your playground.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
