Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
