I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
