He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
