Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
