would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
