He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
