sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to make a zoo with you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
