Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
