i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
