Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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