I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
