i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
