Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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