I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
