The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
