Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
