Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize