In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
