Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
