Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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