please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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