Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
