why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm determined to sit on that face.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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