I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
