wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
