three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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