omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
