oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
