were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
smell my finger.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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