That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
