what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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