someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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