Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
