This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
