Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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