I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
