Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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