he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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