my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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