elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
