I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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