i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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