If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
