Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
