If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
