I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
