Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
