I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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