We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I lost the right to judge tonight
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
