No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize