real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
