Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
