You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
