PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
